Your Most Important Thing

When you become a parent, you simultaneously gain so much and lose everything. Not to sound dramatic, but you really do lose control of your life. Because life changes completely, it takes time to realign and readjust to your new rhythm. 

That’s why it’s so essential to figure out your MIT - Your Most Important Thing - and try to get it back ASAP. Your MIT doesn’t have to be anything fancy or philosophical. It could be as simple as sleep, spending quality time with your partner, indulging in your favorite TV show, going for a walk - whatever fills your cup. For me, my MIT was SLEEP. Then it was partner time.* Then it was working out.** 

After learning my MIT was sleep with my first, I did everything I could to get back to 8 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period as quickly as possible with my second. I hired help (a doula), I recruited help (grandparents),  I scheduled naps in advance with my partner, I bought a co-sleeping bassinet and (tried) napping while my daughter napped. Yes, I still had anxiety-induced insomnia every time my daughter was asleep (Is she breathing? I can’t see her breathing. IS SHE ALIVE?! etc.), and I regained feelings of normalcy within a couple of months, rather than 6+ months, because I zero-ed in on my MIT and worked to achieve it as quickly as possible.

*Read: Netflix & chill, but like, really. Like literally watching Netflix and cuddling on the couch.

** Gah, this reminds me of working out (in our basement gym) and watching the monitor, just dreading the moment when the noise meter went from a subtle, sound machine-induced green to an eye-bleeding, ear-shattering red RED REDDDDDDDDDD. But I digress.

How to reclaim your MIT

Identifying your MIT is one thing, but reclaiming time for it in your new routine is a totally different story. Here’s what I did: 

Come up with an MIT action plan. 

Once you’ve pinned down your MIT, it’s time to come up with an action plan of how you’re going to intentionally carve out time for it. Reclaiming this precious time for yourself is more than a schedule adjustment; it’s about taking back control of your life (and feeling some semblance of normalcy). 

Let’s say your MIT is sleep, like me. First of all, you’re definitely not alone in that. Sleep is too scarce a commodity when you’re a mom. So sit down with your partner and think about how you can work things to get some well deserved, uninterrupted sleep. Maybe all it’ll take is a small shift in your routine and balance of responsibilities. Or maybe hiring a daytime nanny or doula like I did to relieve you during the week and give you an opportunity to sleep is a necessary step. You could even think about getting a night doula once a week. 

Combat that ‘productivity’ mindset 

We live in a world that seems to value productivity above all else. It’s easy to feel like you should use every spare minute of your day effectively, even as a new parent. Ahem. Let me introduce a new idea: Instead of using your babe’s naptime to do the laundry, why not use that sweet hour or two to binge your favorite series? 

Just because you’re not abiding by society’s definition of productivity or efficiency doesn’t mean you’re not using your time well. Taking the time to fill your cup, relax and rejuvenate - or frankly, do whatever you want to do at that moment - is a wonderful and vital use of your precious time. 

Connect with yourself 

Your Most Important Thing isn’t a one-time conversation. And it’s not a one-sided conversation. You can use it as a way to check in with yourself and your partner. Once you’ve put your MIT in your weekly schedule, you can see how it fits and how you feel. See if you’ve carved out enough time or whether you could do with more. Maybe your partner will respond by identifying their own MIT and asking you to accommodate theirs too. This is just one step (albeit an important and healthy one) towards adjusting to your new life as a parent.

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Hi, I’m Coral.

After having two children and returning to work, I felt completely lost and directionless — my identity had shattered, and I didn't know who I was anymore. Over the years, I picked up the pieces and created a new vision for my life, identity, and purpose.

Now I'm on a mission to help moms and primary caregivers navigate their own journeys, for a more fulfilling and authentic path forward. In addition to supporting individuals, I help organizations implement practices that offer deeply needed support to moms and primary caregivers — because we can’t make these changes alone.

Interested in working together? See how I work with both individuals and organizations for sustainable growth. Schedule a free consultation.